I watched Beowulf!!!!!

Yes, and I payed way too much for it.

To describe Beowulf so that everyone can relate, Beowulf is the kinda movie that pisses you off just so much that if you were watching it for free you would leave, but in the cinema you would sit through and at least try to enjoy what you just realise to be wasted money.

So let's get kudos out the way. It is a great design, and the fact that everything is cg is hardly noticable after the first 10 minutes and a few glitches, and the story is perfectly portraid to introduce you into this danish nordic mythological fantasy world, and there is therefore never raised any questions on that point.

So, now that's out the way. Apart from the story making u ignore the sense of fantasy theme totally, it accomplishes absolutely nothing. Had it been a montage of battle scenes, the movie might have been better in fact, as everyone I talked with seemed to agree that the movie was all about the fighting scenes.... Well, here's a question, why would I PAY to go watch something that would be better distrubuted by some moron on YouTube, whose montage I get to watch for free when I come home?
Another thing that actually pissed me OFF.... Angelina Jolene was supposed to show her nude body (again) in this movie, but that was just a lie.... It was of course CG animated to made her "perfect". Again, why would I want to pay to see someones animated fantasy of Angelina Jolene. I have plenty of fantasies of my own, they will do just fine!!! Besides, there wasn't even 1 nipple.... not one!! No sex scene, no snogging, no groping, nothing! Just Angelina's face bouncing around on a crazy CG body, that had a tail... a fucking tail!!!

And last but not least. The movie was somewhat indecisive when it came to what it wanted to accomplish. Sometimes it wanted to be touching, sometimes epic, sometimes actionfilled and bloody, and sometimes it just wanted to shock the shit out of you! That pissed me off... cuz it wasn't an unexpected clever shock, it was some asshole who decided that all of a sudden some ugly piece of shit would jump out on screen screaming it's lungs out. The worst thing about it being, that you knew when it was coming.... 5... 4.... 3... 2... ARGH!!! shit....

I give it 8/10 for action, 6/10 for story, 0/10 for no nipples, and -5 for indecisiveness.

DoPi